Milk Bellies

I've been thinking a lot about milk lately. Breast milk specifically.

You might've noticed there's been a brief lull in this blog and that's because I've been on a little sidequest: me and my wife had a baby. There was a lot of preparation and running around but in the end nothing really prepares you for the process. 

Further complicating it is that before you even really get to take a breather and just appreciate the little bundle of meat and gristle in your arms you realize you have to feed it. Then you're faced with the breast milk vs formula dilemma. And it feels like every single medical provider and random family member will judge you for whichever you choose. 

All that is to say, I've been kind of plagued thinking about why the feeding of infants rarely comes up in tabletop adventure modules. It is a subject rife with mysticism and rumors. Also my wife and I have been watching a lot of Delicious In Dungeon while up late with the infant. 

What follows is a collection of rumors and plot hooks I think could be used to add a little lactose to your adventuring worlds.

d12 Rumors about lactation & breastfeeding

1. Baby Dragons are forever bonded to a human if they consume their breast milk.

2. The milk of a Giant will cause a Goblin to double in size and gain exceptional strength.

3. Breastfeeding causes a Dwarves beard to fall out.

4. Milk made from the flesh of Blue Walnuts is an appropriate replacement for breast milk.

5. The milk of a Barometz can sustain an adult human for one week.

6. An Orc who has not received a full set of ritual tattoos will never produce milk.

7. Lamia lactate wine.

8. In the city of Last Vale, elderly women who have nursed more than 3 surviving children are revered as Lactation Sages.

9. Elves who share a wetnurse are empathically bonded.

10. An unnamed baby will take longer to latch at the breast.

11. The breast milk of a demi-human can heal petrification.

12. The milk of a nun can turn even the most powerful undead. 

d6 Foods Believed to stimulate lactation

1. Fenugreek

2. Oats (as mash or stout)

3. Chayote

4. Brewer's Yeast

5. Coconut water

6. Atole

Guilds who control access to these foods:

Fenugreek & Coconut: the Merchant Mariners.

Brewer's Yeast: the Fermentation Society.

Atole: The Miller's Guild.

Chayote: The Merchant's Guild (who purchase it from Gnomish and Dwarven farms.)

Oats: The Farmer's Guild, who increasingly find themselves caught between the baker's and brewer's guild - each is demanding a larger and larger share of the oat crop.

d8 Adventure Hooks around Breast Milk

1. The Royal Wetnurse has been kidnapped. The royal family will pay double her weight in gold for her quick and safe return. 

2. A White Dragon has demanded ten barrels of breast milk as tribute or she shall raze the countryside.

3. The Gourmand society is seeking access to Giant's breast milk for the production of a certain rare cheese.

4. The Alchemist's Guild believes it can replace wet nurses with homunculi. The Wet Nurse's Guild wants their work stopped. 

5. A trade caravan carrying an expected shipment of fenugreek is more than a week late.

6. Goblins have been raiding and burning Blue Walnut orchards. 

7. "Local Lush seeks Lamia for companionship." 

8. Merchant needs reliable guards to protect a shipment of Elvish oatcakes and stouts.

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And I think that's about all for today. I shall return to tending to my little milk drunk. 

Hope all is well at your tables and that some of the above provides fertile ground for adventuring