My wife: You'll watch any sword and sorcery movie, won't you?
Me: It is my curse.
Since the baby refused to sleep last night, I was burdened with the knowledge that the new Red Sonja movie is on Tubi. Folks, it's not great...but it's not completely awful either. Its biggest sin is that Matilda Lutz doesn't seem to have chemistry with anyone besides the horse playing Sonja's beloved horse. Luke Pasqualino and Robert Sheehan do most of the heavy lifting in this movie. Sheehan especially. He turns what could be a pretty one note villain into one that's pretty memorable.
Where this movie does kind of cook is the random background monsters. There are two characters who are Mandrill people and it goes completely unremarked upon. Where did they come from? Doesn't matter! We gonna get this practical makeup off.
There is also a Cyclops who shows up mid movie. It doesn't do anything memorable besides being one of the coolest fictional Cyclops I've ever seen. It's got the body of a Gorilla along the horns and legs of a goat. That sounds stupid but it absolutely fucking slaps.
I knew I had to stat up these monsters so here they are for your roleplaying pleasure. Torment your PCs! Have them make a new friend! You'll figure out what to do with these guys.
